The following is an enlightening article on Communications.
The principles outlined below relate no matter who you may
be communicating with and follow the basic guides to
biblical communication.

Therefore, putting away lying, "Let each one of you speak
truth with his neighbor," F11 for we are members of one
another.  "Be angry, and do not sin": F12 do not let the
sun go down on your wrath,  nor give place to the devil.  Let
him who stole steal no longer, but rather let him labor,
working with his hands what is good, that he may have
something to give him who has need.  Let no corrupt word
proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary
edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.  And do
not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were
sealed for the day of redemption.  Let all bitterness, wrath,
anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with
all malice.  And be kind to one another, tenderhearted,
forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you.
Ephesians 4:25-32

Always speak the truth from a heart of love
Do not speak from Unrighteous Anger
Say Nothing that does not Glorify and Edify
Forgive one Another  


This post is by Sherry Allchin, M.A. Counselor from
Sandwich Communications

Yes, the MA after my name makes me a Ma, and a
GrandMa, and in those two roles Iʼve learned a lot about
good communication, maybe more than in the courses to get
my M.A. I hope Iʼm doing it better now as Grandma than I
did as a young Ma, and I hope to communicate biblical
principles to young families and grandparents alike about
how to better communicate with children.
Sandwich communication works because it follows a model
we find in Scripture. It works in the workplace. It works in
friendships and marriages. It works especially with children
who are so tender and vulnerable to harsh words that seem
to characterize our culture.
Some adults seem to have a bee in their mouth, with stinging
words pursuing victims. Anger never gets righteous results—
results, yes; righteous, no (James 1:19-20). Dishonesty
also characterizes our culture, with people saying whatever
builds their case rather than what is true (Ephesians 4:25, 2
Timothy 3:1-5). Children are sometimes slapped with labels
they donʼt deserve, but grow up believing are true because
those who supposedly care for them have used them so
frequently.
I recently watched a dad in about ten minutes correct his
daughter three or four times in a way that left her with a
downcast spirit. Her expression said, “Canʼt I do anything
right?” She finally just said or did nothing; she melted into
the wall and disappeared. Results—yes. Good results—no!
Iʼve seen parents out shopping who corrected a child so
harshly in public that I feared for that child in private.
Children are our heritage, and are to be corrected for
Godʼs glory, not parental convenience. There is a major
difference.
Begin with the Positive
When communicating anything to your child, but especially
a correction, begin with a positive. When Christ corrected
the churches in Revelation 2-4, He began by telling each of
them what they were doing right (2:2, 3, 9, 13, 19; 3:4, 8, 19).
Each time we approach our children we need to affirm their
positives, what they do well (Ephesians 4:28-29).
Iʼve heard parents say, “I donʼt want them to become
proud….” That statement cannot be used as a justification
to violate the principle that everything coming out of our
mouth is to be for the building up of another. Let God
convict them of their pride, not us as parents and teachers.
Correction means to show the child how to do it better, or
Godʼs way, and to build on what He is already doing right.
To the seven churches, the Lord then went on to correct
that which needed correction, and the whole discussion
ended with an invitation to do what was right (Revelation 3:
20-22). What an encouraging model that continues to
challenge believers through the ages!
A child is getting his tempera paints all over the place.
“Youʼre so messy; why canʼt you do it like Joni?” This
message communicates, “You are not as good as Joni;
messy is your nature so I guess youʼll never change; your
messes are inconvenient for me.”
How could that parent or teacher begin with a positive?
Try something that is true, like, “I like the colors you are
choosing for your picture! Here, let me give you a paper
towel to clean up some of those drips! I canʼt wait to see
your finished picture!”
The positive approach gets the childʼs attention that he is
doing something of value to you as well as to him, that he
really does have some good qualities even though they may
still need some polishing! He is more open to hear the
correction that comes in a climate of affirmation.
Time for the Negative (or Correction)
The negative loses its negativity when it is truly correction. I
always hated it when a teacher just told me I had it wrong—I
still had no clue about how to fix the problem or I wouldnʼt
have gotten it wrong in the first place. Some children are
left feeling that same way by parents. Yes, they know it was
wrong, but they still donʼt know what to do to correct it.
How do you correct being a lazy slob if you’re told thatʼs
who you are? How do you correct a math problem you
donʼt understand?
Defining the true problem is the first step. Character labels
donʼt define the problem, they only attack the personʼs
being, who he is. A child made in the image of God has
wonderful potential to change any wrong thing she is
doing, and she needs to be reminded of that continuously
in the process of corrective sanctification. So a child is not
a lazy slob; she is failing to make her bed before breakfast
or take out the garbage when asked. That is a problem that
can and should be corrected. “This is what I want you to
correct and how I want you to do it.”
Finish the Deal with a Positive
Now the negative behavior is being framed first in a positive
and also ends in a positive. “You are a strong boy and very
capable of carrying your load around our home. We value
you as a team member of our family, and we expect you to
carry out your share of the work. Because we love you and
want to train you for life, we must insist that you do ___by
dinnertime, or face the consequences of ___. We are
confident you will choose to make a wise choice that honors
God and your parents because we have watched you
growing in your love and obedience in so many ways.”
This kind of communication quickly reaches the heart of
most children (or adults, for that matter). If a childʼs spirit
has already been deeply wounded, it may take some
consistency on your part for the child to respond well. He
must come to believe he has intrinsic value because he is
made in the image of God and because he can change to
become more and more like Jesus in everyday life.
With such hope, this generation of children will truly grow
up as a heritage to the Lord, experiencing daily change
through the power of Godʼs Word lived out in the home.
Simply taking the time to think about how we communicate
to children will make all the difference in the next generation
(Ephesians 4:29-32). Daily life with your child or grandchild
will give you many opportunities to practice and perfect
your new “Sandwich!”
Practical Application
•        Ask the children in your life if they feel like you are mad
at them: 1) Never 2) Sometimes 3) All the time. Ask
forgiveness if it is # 2 or # 3. Remember, man’s anger never
produces God’s righteousness (James 1:19-20).
•        Recognize that your anger is usually about what is
inconveniencing you, not what your child truly needs to
correct. He is childish because he is a child. So were you.
Give him time and instruction in a few specific changes at a
time and praise his progress.
•        Keep a “Journal of Corrections” for your children.
As you practice this new way to communicate, learn to go
to the journal before you approach the child, writing down
what is the “Problem to be Corrected.” Then plan the
“Sandwich” that you will give your child, first a positive
related to what needs correcting or overall positive
character you see in him. Then carefully word the
Correction in a way that guides him to biblical change for
God’s glory. Finish the Sandwich with the Bread of Life,
God’s love for him, your love for him and your confidence in
his ultimate maturity (Hebrews 12:5-10).

more articles may be found @
http://biblicalcounselingcenter.org

.

“Put off”, concerning your former conduct,
the old man which grows corrupt according
to the deceitful lusts,  and be renewed in
the spirit of your mind,; and that you put
on the new man which was created
according to God, in true righteousness
and holiness. Ephesians 4:22-24
Put off
Put On
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